i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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