I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My cat gives me a boner
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
