The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
