im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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