that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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