Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
