I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
