I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
