consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
