I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
