I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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