Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
