All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
