So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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