Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
