My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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