In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
