five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
