So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
