So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
