I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
