the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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