Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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