Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
