My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my sisters under your porch take her home
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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