Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
