worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
