Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize