I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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