Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
