Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
