i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize