you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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