Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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