Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
