Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You ruined the universe
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
