I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I want a musical about memes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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