either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
