Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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