I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
