how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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