why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
