Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
