i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
