so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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