let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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