No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
