White coat. Heels.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize