After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
