gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
