My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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