i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My vagina is officially offended.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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