I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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