Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
