I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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