We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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