Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
