What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
