i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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