I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
