I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
