O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
