Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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