I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
