I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
