shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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