I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the raccoons are back...
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