If i come over, it means nothing
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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