I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
