he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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